I FEEL STUCK.
I just want to shout it out. sometimes my mind gets the better of me and since I feel totally lost in my day to day life now yesterday I lashed out. Sorry! For I am weak and can only offer heartfelt apologies.
You see. In a strange way my affection for all things mine and material I believe comes from losing everything once before. I have decided I am in panic mode. I need to get out of it and only moving will solve my issues with attachment.
It all started in 1980. I lived in Corby with my parents and sister. My parents decided for us to come on vacation to America to visit my Mum's sister and her family for a holiday. My Dad became enchanted and wanted to move to America and in 1981 they began the quest. it took 5 years to get over here and although I still miss everyone dearly I could not imagine my life being any different. That being said as a young girl I thought it quite mean that I could not bring all my things over with us, as a grown up I completely understand why I couldn't bring all my things with us. I choose to bring my Teddy Bear my life long best friend, my cassette tape collection all 12 of them! and a book called Darby and Joan. I remember the book I left behind it was a favorite of mine I no longer remember the title but I can see the cover of the book and it was about fairies and goblins and altogether very British I suppose. ANYWAY for this reason I think I get myself in a panic and I am so loyal to my things, some of which I have not seen since October.
I also think that because we left when we did it made it hard for me to want to know people. (I still would rather be by myself most days) Writing is an outlet for me and as with most socially awkward people I come across a whole lot better on paper (or screen as it may be) I realize I made it difficult for people to get to know me and in turn difficult for me to get to know them. Once again I am SORRY if you were given my cold shoulder. It is funny to think that people will like or dislike you based on how you say hello. My Sister was always so very good at meeting people, such a butterfly. I am lucky that I met my Hubby who is a home body just like me (and sometimes even worse than me) We share so many of the same interests and although I do not quite understand how a boys mind works I have adapted enough to know when I should be somewhere else!! ha ha ha
Now my Doggies. I love my Boy Buddy and I know he understands everything I tell him and I know that 4 seems like such a lot but I really cannot imagine how life would have been without any of them. As a result of 4 though I am no longer allowed to visit the dog breeder. I think 4 is a good number and there probably will not be anymore!
This blog means so much to me. I hope you all bear with me as I go through this next big change. I am excited at the possibility of a new home, I no longer feel at home in this house, and I look forward to planning new adventures. I think that an adventure is in order. (OOO that was very Enid Blyton!) How I miss a good childhood mystery!!!!
til next post, with love....
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